Pagbabago

I am a Tsinoy married to a native Chinese. Although my husband and I are both Chinese, we grew up in totally different countries, beliefs, cultures and traditions.  My life got twisted when I met my husband.  I was culture-shocked.  As a Chinese, my world is so small that my parents, relatives, friends of parents and so on knows my husband, or knows his relatives, friends, neighbors and so on.

All are saying that he doesn't have money.  True!  But he loves me a lot.  He's doing everything to survive.  Now that we're married, he's had proved that he's a good husband and a good father to our son.  Is money everything? I know money is very important. We can't eat love, right? It really depends on the situation.

Some are saying that he had been in group fights when he was still a teen.  True!  But he was still young at that time.  And people change.  Lahat ng tao nagbabago, hindi ba?

There are some that says he gets wild when he gets drunk, that they would make him drunk on our wedding day so I can see what kind of person my husband is.  I think I kind of get wild when I'm drunk.  But I'm not a wild person.  Do they really need to mess up my wedding?  Luckily, hindi nila ginawa.  Kasi sa totoo lang, mas magaling pa ata ako uminom compare sa husband ko.  I don't and can't drink.  Mas lalo na siya.

There are more gossips. I ignored everything.  But I heard all those gossips everyday.  Syempre, nadadala rin ako.  Naapektuhan.  We quarreled a lot.  Until one day, we got married.  I still heard gossips about my husband but I think the wave had calmed down a little.

Then the day came.  After some months, I got pregnant.  It's a very good news to all of us.  But I got confined in the hospital and has to temporarily leave my work to save the baby.  I was told to have a bed rest.  At that time, I am again hearing gossips, and more new gossips!  My husband and I started to quarrel about the gossips and about money.  He's having a hard time providing enough money for us. 

I was pregnant but in bed rest.  I was so lonely.  I was unemployed.  I can't eat what I crave for.  I couldn't help my husband to provide enough money.  We're broke!!!

And since I am not a native Chinese of China, I am totally different to them.  He's relatives looks at me like I'm an alien of some sort... The way I dress, the way I talk, the way I move, the food I eat, everything!  They even talked about cultures of Tsinoys and Pinoys, on how funny and unbelievable those are, infront of me.  They are laughing as if I'm not there.

I felt so alone.  I can't go out and have some private time with just myself.  I can't have the food I want to eat. I again started to hate my life and my husband.

An online friend had taught me very important things about life.



She is Maria Kathrina Lopez Yarza, known as Kcat or Tack on the Internet. She has Nuerofibromatosis Type2 (NF2) that made her sit on her wheelchair, some body parts paralyzed.  She also loss her hearing.  She almost lose hope but had stood up and started earning money for her own very expensive medical operations and maintenance.



See?  Even though she's in her wheelchair, she have physical problem, she's so positive even on picture takings!  I'm totally her opposite.

I closed my doors from hearing my husband's explanations.  I didn't know who to believe.  I didn't know why I have a miserable life.  I'm just so glad I met kcat online.  Kcat changed me.

I thought at those times, I am so physically healthy compare to her.  She got more problems than I have.  My problems were just so tiny compare to others.  I was ashamed of myself.  I started to think of what our problems are.  I sorted out on my mind the why, what and how.

My husband and I started to talk about our problems.  And this time, we solved it.  I started to feel great.  I started to ignore all the gossips. I totally ignored them up to know.  Pinagtatanggol ko na ang asawa ko.  And it turns out that my husband hadn't done anything wrong.  So why are people telling gossips about him?  I don't know.  So I just ignore them for good.

I also ignored what his relatives were saying about me and about my culture. They're just totally ignorant and can't accept other people's cultures except theirs, I thought.  And when they're laughing when they see me eating non-native-Chinese food and can't eat the native-Chinese food, I ignore them and felt nothing.  Kanya-kanyang lang ng trip ng pagkain.

About money matters, although I was in bed rest, I tried to research on how I can do sidelines.  I then discovered on how to make money online.  My money making online went so well I can buy myself all the food I want to eat, all the snacks I crave so much.  I was craving for Filipino food. 

I don't know why but I think I was addicted to Goldilock's Sago Gulaman. Every time I have a prenatal check up or just craving for one, I would go buy a Sago Gulaman.  Actually, I was craving for almost everyday  =)



Every time I'll be buying a Sago Gulaman, I was so happy and excited.  I'm like that little girl getting some yummy treats and receiving new toys.  It just made my day.

I can buy all the food and cravings that I want.  I became a healthy pregnant woman who's just so happy that all the worries has been solved one at a time.

And then later on, I built up my own online store. That's more income for me and my husband.




My son is now 2 years old and I still crave for Goldilocks Sago Gulaman.  Every time I need to go out to ship items bought from my store, or I need to get more stocks, I didn't fail to visit the nearest Goldilocks shop and buy Sago Gulaman.

I asked God why I have to bleed while pregnant, why my husband and I got money problems, why I am experiencing loneliness and the grief.  Now I know the answers... to make me discover that there are lots of opportunities out there to make money, to make my relationship stronger with my husband, to have self-confidence, and to change me into a better person.  Now I know, everything has a reason.

I am now a full-time mom. I resigned from my work. But I'm so glad I can still help my husband provide money for the family.  And I can still buy the food I want to eat.

I owe Kcat for the change in me.

Yung pagbabago na nangyari sa akin, hindi nangyari sa isang iglap lang.  Pero dahil sa pagtanggap ko kung ano ang asawa ko, kung anung meron ako ngayon, at kung paano maging positibo sa mga problema, mas naging masaya ako sa buhay.

Hindi ko mapapantayan ang kakayahan ni Kcat pagdating sa pagiging positibo at sa pagiging maabilidad.  Pero alam kong mahilig rin siyang kumain.  Kcat, Sago Gulaman gusto mo?

Pagbabago