The Hate That Won't Heal In Me
I was being fooled by myself for believing that the Chinese from China who came here are also people like anyone else. I was wrong!
Every time I see Sally (my brother-in-law's second daughter), I suddenly feel the anger on them. My brother-in-law's wife? We all think she really wore an unappropriate outfit on our wedding day on purpose. See her on this image. She's the one on the leftmost on the image. Well, she even threatened her mother-in-law that she won't attend our grand day. Well, no one really cares. I hope she didn't went that day! My parents just can't forget about what she did. And I, as the bride that day, would never forgive her.
I know the wedding is way back November 2006 and it's almost past seven months. But I just can't really forget. And for all the good deeds I and Nelson have been doing for her and her children. I can't imagine how she still hates us. And my brother-in-law was a victim of kidnapping just before May 2007 (election). Who help her husband out? It's his most hated Nelson! Without Nelson, he and his friends would not be home back without a ransom! It's Nelson's contacts who have saved them all, idiot woman!
And then here comes Nelson's relative who I think hates me. Well, I hate her too. She always stares at me like I'm an alien. And she even talks about Filipino-Chinese as trash, even in front of me. Is it because our culture is different? Or is it because I had attended college education that makes her think I'm so classy to be part of their family. Classy? Hahaha they don't have any idea what a poor me is in this world.
They are nothing! They have no car. They don't own a house. They can't rent a good condo. They are living here in the Philippines with illegal papers and they don't even renew them. They are TNT! They don't pay their taxes (kahit konti). And still, they think Filipinos are slaves! And they believe that Filipino-Chinese are half-witted Chinese because "we" have a different mind-set that is so wrong to them. F*ck Them! I really hated them.
But those friends of Nelson, even if they are Chinese from China, they treat me good. And I feel comfy with them. Even Nelson's super rich relatives welcomes me (They even get a little frustrated if we don't pay them a visit and would start calling us to drop by).
I want to be nice to them. But it seems those trash really wanna mess up with me. I know Sally had nothing to do with it. And I'm afraid one day I would really hate the child. Maybe I have to diverse myself on being the evil one, pretending to be nice to Nelson's nieces. And so one day, the children would love me that their mother would hate it. A long term plan but I guess this is a good plan. I've just thought of this plan I guess on May 2007 when I started accepting them as shit on my life.
Every time I see Sally (my brother-in-law's second daughter), I suddenly feel the anger on them. My brother-in-law's wife? We all think she really wore an unappropriate outfit on our wedding day on purpose. See her on this image. She's the one on the leftmost on the image. Well, she even threatened her mother-in-law that she won't attend our grand day. Well, no one really cares. I hope she didn't went that day! My parents just can't forget about what she did. And I, as the bride that day, would never forgive her.
I know the wedding is way back November 2006 and it's almost past seven months. But I just can't really forget. And for all the good deeds I and Nelson have been doing for her and her children. I can't imagine how she still hates us. And my brother-in-law was a victim of kidnapping just before May 2007 (election). Who help her husband out? It's his most hated Nelson! Without Nelson, he and his friends would not be home back without a ransom! It's Nelson's contacts who have saved them all, idiot woman!
And then here comes Nelson's relative who I think hates me. Well, I hate her too. She always stares at me like I'm an alien. And she even talks about Filipino-Chinese as trash, even in front of me. Is it because our culture is different? Or is it because I had attended college education that makes her think I'm so classy to be part of their family. Classy? Hahaha they don't have any idea what a poor me is in this world.
They are nothing! They have no car. They don't own a house. They can't rent a good condo. They are living here in the Philippines with illegal papers and they don't even renew them. They are TNT! They don't pay their taxes (kahit konti). And still, they think Filipinos are slaves! And they believe that Filipino-Chinese are half-witted Chinese because "we" have a different mind-set that is so wrong to them. F*ck Them! I really hated them.
But those friends of Nelson, even if they are Chinese from China, they treat me good. And I feel comfy with them. Even Nelson's super rich relatives welcomes me (They even get a little frustrated if we don't pay them a visit and would start calling us to drop by).
I want to be nice to them. But it seems those trash really wanna mess up with me. I know Sally had nothing to do with it. And I'm afraid one day I would really hate the child. Maybe I have to diverse myself on being the evil one, pretending to be nice to Nelson's nieces. And so one day, the children would love me that their mother would hate it. A long term plan but I guess this is a good plan. I've just thought of this plan I guess on May 2007 when I started accepting them as shit on my life.
8 reactions for this post.:
Hi
Thanks for showing me a link to this (I have added myself as a follower on your blog btw).
I have a couple of observations, as a stranger who doesn't really know you, from a different culture (British Guy living in NZ), which might give you a perspective.
Firstly, in NZ, we are much more relaxed about formal occasions, such as weddings, than we are in the UK. Whilst it might be a social faux pas to turn up in an outfit such as Sally's in the UK, it would be no big deal in NZ, which is a little surprising since both countries share a common (British) culture.
I guess the Kiwis here have grown used to informality in their day to day lives, and wear less formal clothes than the Brits, as it is much warmer over here, and to wear formal clothes (even for weddings) would make them feel both physically uncomfortable and perhaps mentally so as well? Certainly we had a similar story in my first cousin's (female) wedding where I turned up in a formal black suit (just as a relative), but her husband just wore a casual shirt! It was no big deal.
Secondly, a quick note about the mixed-race thing. I have a couple of semi-adopted Chinese/Rarotongan daughters who are 17 and 18. I also have a South Africa born Indian wife who was raised in the UK since she was 5 years old.
So I am white, my wife is brown, my own 3 kids have white bums and brown bodies and the two adopted ones have beautiful Chinese looks and brown skin. And nobody notices the racial differences at all.
I think that that is because, despite our ethnic differences, we have all been brought up within a pretty similar culture, and there is no snobbiness over whose culture is superior or otherwise.
So, if it were me, I'd forgive Sally for turning up in what looked like inappropriate clothes. It might have spoiled your wedding pics somewhat, but are you sure she intended to hurt you? She might have been too poor to get formalwear, for example. And in another settting (NZ for example) what she did would have been no big deal).
Life's too short to go on hating people for small stuff, anyway.
Actually, they are not poor now. Just last 2 months ago, I met her on the street and she told me why she wears like that.
Her reasons:
1. She have an engagement party (which is very very very important to Chinese from China like her). But she didn't have a wedding. So she said, herself didn't have a wedding, why would she wear nice clothes.
2. She super hates my husband and her parents-in-law (my parents-in-law). That's why my parents-in-law are living with us not with them.
3. I told my husband to tell her or his brother for her measurement. And she doesn't like to go and have her measurement. She said "I don't need too. I have something to wear on their wedding day."
But now, she's wearing nice clothes and even formal dresses on weddings.
I never knew there are that kind of people in the world before.
And i got more stories about her, our family and so on.
Yeah life is too short. Thanks for reminding me for that. But other people are hating my current situation while I, on the other hand, is closing my eyes on reality.
I am trying to cool down a little before I write those on my blogs.
Hi
Yes, well I'm sorry if I posted without knowing the full history of what has gone down between you and Sally and if my remarks were inappropriate in your own situation.
It's sad how relationships can deteriorate and fester within families, isn't it? In my experience it has tended to boil down to miscommunication, hurt feelings and jealousy.
I'm sorry that you have had such a problem with your relatives. Do you know what the root cause of the enmity was? Is there no way of resolving that issue.
I know posting such stuff on an open blog is not easy or inappropriate sometimes anyway.
I have similar issues with certain family members as well, but to me it seems just getting them to talk about what is really hurting them is the hardest thing of all, and without that, resolving the problem which is causing the hatred is doubly difficult.
Are you "closing your eyes" to try to ignore what you see as their true animosity for your husband and his family, rather than having to confront it?
Best wishes
Greg (Auckland NZ)
I cried on my wedding night, I always cry. The culture differences between me (Chinese living in the Philipines) and my husband (Chinese who came from China), the people who hates my husband, the connection of people between me and my husband (oh what a small world), the "no brains at all" minds of those who came from China, whose richer, why I married someone who has no business... if I don't ignore them, I would become crazy.
That's how the Chinese (here in the Philippines) are. No business means no money. Weird but they (shall I say "we"?) have a high standard.
There are things that I put everything to shouting just with my husband. And then I became okay.
Hmm, very awkward.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with a problem like this. I think that would drive me a little crazy too.
That's okay. Until now, I'm dealing with it, but just with smiles. I don't want to be crazy over such things hahaha
It's nice to know that you don't need to deal with problems like mine =)
And by the way, "Sally" is my husband's niece. The lady wearing shorts and sando on my wedding is her mother. The mother is my husband's sister-in-law. I don't know her name. I call her "ah-so" which means sister-in-law in Chinese.
Sally, the baby, uses my name as the mother of the baby. They are living illegally in the Philippines and their children's legal parents are not them.
My husband and I are not even married when I signed Sally's birth certificate. And she still did that to our wedding.
Anyway, I would like to share to you http://berrymumbling.wordpress.com/2008/12/27/87-kilos-is-less-than-19-lbs/
I am happily married with a bunch of trash around me =)
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